I’ve just received my new passport in the mail, thankfully in the nick of time. Not that I plan to travel anywhere in the near future but if the clown show (Sorry, I vowed not to mention clowns again after my last column.) passes the “SAVE Act” (Safeguard America Voter Eligibility Act. There’s a mouth full!) requiring citizens to show an identification to vote. I will be prepared.
More importantly, it has been announced that in commemoration of the United States 250th anniversary, new passports will have the image of the leader of the free world emblazoned on them. Well, not on the cover, but inside along with an image of the Founding Fathers. Thankfully, it will not replace the eagle image, the symbol of our proud country which is engraved in gold on the cover. To get his fill of gold, the Donald’s distinctive signature will be stamped beneath his portrait in solid gold script.
I guess our chief diplomat, top dog, Grand Poohbah, and everybody’s favorite president feels that is the closest he can get to having his head carved alongside Washington, Jefferson, Roosevelt and Lincoln on Mount Rushmore. He has settled on being next to an image of the founding fathers. Otherwise, his face would have been relegated to the back pages with the famous mountain carving, the Statue of Liberty, and a photo of a spacecraft hovering over the planet.
His friendly face also appears in full color on the National Park Season Pass and gold (of course) visa cards that allow rich foreigners to enter the country for a small contribution to the federal treasury which I for one think is a good idea since we have a very large national debt. He will also be sternly staring back at those lucky enough to acquire commemorative gold coins being minted by the U.S. Mint. All this in addition to his name on the former Kennedy Center for the Arts, the 100-dollar bill, The National Institute for Peace, and a class of battleships (Really!)
I am positive that these changes, and more to come, will help our government run more efficiently. For example, just this week I received an e-mail telling me that my passport, that I received a month ago, is “being printed and should arrive in about a month”.
Not that too much tweaking is necessary. Just this week fifteen flags were raised for the arrival of the King of England and Queen Camilla. Unfortunately, they were the Australian flags. In fairness to the poor official flag raiser whose job it is to raise flags, they are similar but with a smaller Union Jack. Of course, King Charles III is the King of Australia, which is a part of the British Commonwealth, along with Canada our 51st state. (I couldn’t resist.)
So, the faux pas was quickly caught, the wrong ensigns were replaced by the correct ones. Whew! Luckily, no one of importance noticed. I don’t think we could deal with the embarrassment. A government spokesperson said the flags had been stored away for some time and must have been in the wrong boxes.
The very next day the king and queen arrived at Arlington National Cemetery. The wreath-laying ceremony was to honor fallen service members. The British flag was flying upside down during the ceremony. Naturally the British press caught the error. Headlines blared “Bizarre”, “Distress Signal”.
Do you think Britain will let me in with my new passport?
Mattapoisett resident Dick Morgado is an artist and happily retired writer. His newspaper columns appeared for many years in daily newspapers around Boston.
By Dick Morgado