By the time you read this, Thank-mas and Thanksgivukka, previously known as Thanksgiving (and this year Hanukkah), will be history. Now we can move forward to Spend-mas, I mean Christmas. Holy paycheck, there aren’t enough shopping days left!
But wait, it doesn’t have to be that way at all. Can’t we collectively scream at the retailers “NO”, can’t we take back our humanity? Can’t we refuse to get caught up in the discounting of merchandise planned by global corporations to help you go broke while saving 50% off the suggested retail price? I ask you with boughs of holly in my hand, can we STOP THE MADNESS?!
Yes, we can. Zip up your wallet and let’s take the road best traveled. As we struggle to make everyone in our family happy, just keep this at the top of your Christmas to-do list: Giving people happy memories is the greatest gift ever. It is the gift that keeps on giving for as long as they can remember, and it doesn’t have to cost a thing.
Here are some ideas that might help make your holiday less stressful and less expensive, yet worth silver and gold:
1. K.I.S.S.: Keep It Simply Splendid. Plan on making this time of the year splendid with simple things. Remember those spice balls you made in first grade? Remember paper chains? Remember going on rides after dark to see Christmas decorations shining against the cold black night? Do those things again. You may have to put a little gas in the car, but I call that an investment in glad tidings. While you’re in the car, refer to suggestion #4 to enhance the experience. Being tuneful is optional.
2. SHARE STORIES: “…time keeps on slipping slipping slipping into the future…” Those profound words from The Steve Miller Band’s 1977 hit “Fly Like an Eagle” set the stage for this – you have to talk to your old folks now. The narratives that older people have in the corners of their minds are rich in family history. Why not have the kids, those who can write, collect the stories from the older folks, perhaps by making a game of it. My father was a bronze star recipient. The when, where, how and why are all lost to us now. It was never discussed, never even known until after his death. Maybe if we had asked him some questions about his WWII experiences, this would have been revealed to us. Don’t let your elders slip away before you really know their stories. They are your stories too.
3. COOK TOGETHER (and then) WALK TOGETHER: Let the kids make a mess, let your spouse or partner make a mess, let yourself make a mess and enjoy the process. Share recipes. Then before the sun goes down, bundle up and take a walk. There’s nothing like a walk on a brisk late afternoon to get the blood moving and prepare the body for another round of pie and eggnog (especially if the nog is spiked).
4. SING THE OLE TYME CAROLS: “Make a joyful noise…” In my case, it just might be noise to those who have to suffer through my rendition of ‘O Holy Night’. Maybe you could find holiday songs from other countries and try those for fun. In our home, we have a piano that was a gift to my son decades ago. When the grand kids were little, they loved to have him play carols and we’d all gather round and sing. It was a multi-generational occasion with my Father and Mother sitting nearby enjoying the little ones and, in spite of them both being hard of hearing, trying to sing along. With that said, my clan has to put up with my seriously out-of-key warbling – it’s part of the fun. Now bring me a figgy pudding!
5. READ A STORY ALOUD: Here’s a thought: If you and your family do what was suggested in #2, those stories could be read aloud in subsequent years. And how about this? Gather the children in a circle surrounded by the grown-ups and then have each adult take a turn voicing one of the characters in a storybook. I guarantee that everyone will have a blast. The thespians in your tribe are just waiting. However, you might want to do this activity before too many adult beverages have been consumed. I’m just saying.
6. CHRISTMAS IS A SEASON NOT A DAY: Ours is a blended family. Early in our marriage, we made some rookie blended-family mistakes. The take way from those missteps was to consider the holidays not as single days but as an entire season. Spread over many weeks from Thanksgiving to New Year’s and depending on how big your family may be, this gives plenty of opportunity to be with your loved ones without the pressure of trying to compete for time. Children, whether young or adult, can be especially squeezed in blended families. Their mothers and fathers may not have worked out the kinks in sharing their children with one another and end up pressuring the kids to be with them versus the former spouse. Unfortunately it happens. By making sure your party isn’t on the same day as a former spouse, the conflict is averted and the kids can relax and enjoy being with you. If your in-laws have expectations that make your holiday a round-robin of putting the babies in and out of car seats, maybe you need to suggest to them that being in two homes on Christmas morning isn’t a merry time for you. Crying, overtired kids, you know what I mean. Spread the season out, make it last longer, give yourself and your immediate family members a season of happy memories minus the mad dash from one home to the other.
I asked around to find out what people really end up remembering about Christmases past. Here are a few of those responses.
Shelley: My fondest memory of Christmas ever was laying out the homemade milk and cookies for Santa. One year in particular was very special because when I came downstairs at my grandparents’ house, the milk and cookies were gone and to my surprise two huge boot prints and ashes were spilling out of the fireplace! I still don’t know whether it was my Grampa trying to play a joke on me or really Santa! It is such a wonderful memory of my gramps who has since passed away. They always made the holidays so very special for me.
Anne: I was maybe 7 when Donny, 4, and Linda, 3, woke me up on Christmas Eve. Mom and Dad were in bed. Our house had a landing, so we crept down the three steps to the landing and down maybe two more to take a peek. It was magic. The streetlight lit up the living room and what we could see was the Christmas tree with mounds of Christmas gifts around it, but then the bombing voice of my Father “Get back to bed!” This memory is something I still can see vividly in my mind and remember how excited I was when I went back to bed. Nothing like it!
Joe: Joyful anticipation and escalating excitement set the stage for the wide range of emotions experienced and which culminated with the celebration of Christmas. A dedicated ‘Santa Hunter’ determined to catch jolly old Saint Nick in the act is my earliest memory of this enchanting time of year…..transitioning into adulthood…I discovered the real magic was a loving family. Christmas get-togethers were something special and revolved around the kitchen featuring meals steeped in tradition and family custom. A child’s preoccupation with receiving presents evolved to a spirit of giving and an appreciation of familial values. The feasts prepared on Christmas Eve and Day have continued for the past 64 years. Though the assortment of various seafood on the Eve has changed somewhat, the joy of the occasion continues to increase. The one constant spanning my many years is the joyful anticipation and escalating excitement heralding the Christmas season – with my family gathered around.
Paul: We went to bed at the insistence of our Mother, and the adults would go to midnight mass. When they came back, a meal would be laid out and we’d be awakened to open our gifts. We’d go back to bed afterwards only to get up again later that same day. We’d go to our Grandmother’s house (Father’s family) and later that night, we’d go to my other Grandmother’s house (Mother’s family) each presenting us with a huge meal and small gifts. In a 24-hour span of time we’d sleep, eat, open gifts, and have our faces slathered with kisses by adoring aunts. My Father’s family was a very low-key group, but my Mother’s clan would be ruckus with the booze flowing. They were an entertaining bunch.
ML: In the past when the grands were little grands, I’d get them all together for a weekend of cookie and card making. These were taken back home to their parents. The little girls glowed with pride regardless of how lopsided the cookies were, or how much wet paste remained on the edge of construction paper cards. Those get-togethers are some of their fondest holiday memories and mine.
Joan: My favorite things about Christmas were our traditions, we had a lot. On Christmas Eve we’d go to church, back home afterwards we all had a glass of eggnog and were allowed to open one present. Mom used to choose which gift it would be – it was always PJs. When Dad got sick and quit working, he’d cut all the coupons he could and give us all a “coupon present” that he bought at the A&P. These gifts were very special because we knew he picked them out himself and even hand wrapped them. The present would always be one of our favorite foods such as a big bag of M&M’s for me, special cookies, or other treats. I remember one of the little boys getting a big box of Ring Dings.
Linda: I always looked forward to the stocking stuffers and the surprises contained therein. Even more important were these little offerings than the bigger ticket items sitting under the tree. Perhaps–I think–it was a sign of “you’ve been a good daughter” blessing from my parents. My father was responsible for the purchase of the contents at the local drug store. The suspense of coal versus goodies, including the Christmas roast, family and fixings, trumped everything.
Hannah: My favorite times as a child growing up were the holidays…. my childhood was not the best….a lot of stuff I shouldn’t have seen or had to deal with. So the holidays were such a huge reminder that I was still a child though my life may not always have reflected on that. I used to love getting to spend my Christmas Eves at my Grandfather’s house, listening to classic Christmas music, gathering around the piano to play and sing together, even adding in my flute sometimes…music reflects a lot on how our Christmases used to be. I used to always watch the sky going back home and thinking I saw Santa or something else magical, then to wake up and do it all over again with my Grandmother. I used to think that made me special, I got two Christmases, spending each time differently with two sides of my family. Fires in the fireplace and watching Christmas movies, cooking with my grandmother and singing and playing music, those are definitely the best memories of my childhood.
Whatever your celebrations are, no matter what your cultural traditions or religious affiliations may be, my wish for you is good health and many years of Happy Holler Daze memories!
By Marilou Newell
