Losing a loved one leaves a hole that never really goes away.
For survivors, gravestones may be the only place of solace to recall someone sorely missed. But the Mattapoisett Tree Committee has helped families and friends of loved ones find another way to honor and remember someone: a memorial planting.
A tree – which beautifies the environment and often outlives us – appeals to many as a way to honor someone’s memory. Like a gravestone, it is a physical place to recall a departed one – but it also bears the majesty of a living form that benefits everyone in the community and the environment itself.
“It is just a lovely way to have something living that is a spot where you can sit under a tree and contemplate the way the person touched you or the rest of your loved ones,” said Sandra Hering of the Mattapoisett Tree Committee, who arranges the plantings with families. The committee has been offering the plantings for years – and walks families through the steps of identifying a spot and appropriate breed of tree.
Anne Shepley is one person who recently had a tree planted in honor of her son – but that was not the original intention.
About thirty years ago, her 17-year old son, Jamie, was the victim of the unimaginable. On a whim, he decided to get a ride from a friend from soccer practice – but the driver missed a turn and the car rolled over. Although his friends were spared, the accident rendered him quadriplegic.
“It was one of those things that happened in a moment,” Ms. Shepley recalled of the incident that took place on September 25, 1978.
But her son Jamie was so moved by how the town rallied around him that he decided a few years ago that he wanted to plant a tree.
“He wanted to do something nice for Mattapoisett, they had been good to him when he had his accident. There were different people in the community taking care of him. People in the whole community – from church, clubs – all helped. It was a wonderful experience,” Ms. Shepley said.
However, in the summer of 2009, he passed away before his dream took root. The tree, a Pin Oak, eventually was planted at Center School – and it became his memorial tree.
“It was the perfect spot for Jamie’s tree,” she said. “But he wanted it for Mattapoisett, not for himself.”
Ms. Shepley said the fact he lived 30 years after the accident “is something unbelievable in a quadriplegic.” She said her family “is very, very pleased” with the tree now honoring him.
Mattapoisett residents, Caroline and Fred, also chose to plant a tree in honor of a son who passed away. When his unexpected death happened a year and a half ago, she learned about memorial plantings offered by the tree committee.
[Ms. Hering] responded with terrific sensitivity and compassion… I was very grateful, it would have a lot of meaning,” Caroline said.
After consultation with the tree committee, the family opted to plant a Hawthorn Tree at the town landing – where the family spent summers launching their small boat.
“There is significance for our family… it was what I was hoping for,” Caroline said.
With the pain of loss still strong, she said the newly planted tree would provide some measure of peace.
“Having that particular spot because of the circumstances that we had means a lot. I think it’s terrific, I really do. The whole [tree] committee is very sensitive and very caring and want to do things that are going to be in conjunction with your feelings,” she said.
Ms. Hering said that many families report that having a special memorial tree is “peaceful” for them.
She said the committee, which receives no funding from the town, charges families about $300 per tree – but that the process of choosing a tree is extensive. Each site must be thoroughly researched. For instance, sites near water may require a tree that handles salty soil and possible storm surges.
“We want to make sure it survives all of the elements so it will be there for a long time, for people to enjoy and understand why it is there,” Ms. Hering said.
She said some sites cannot be accommodated, in particular Ned’s Point is a difficult request, but that that committee does its best to suit the needs of the families.
In the meantime, the committee – which was established in 2003 – is working on compiling a full list of memorial trees, she said.
“We are really interested in preserving trees and expanding the tree canopy in Mattapoisett. Unfortunately we do lose trees every year. The trees do a wonderful thing, providing shade, providing cooling for homes and buildings,” Ms. Hering said of the committee’s greater purpose.
For more information on memorial plantings, contact Ms. Hering at Herring.sandra@gmail.com.
By Laura Fedak Pedulli
Photo by Laura Fedak Pedulli