What constitutes a bedroom was up for debate at the last two public meetings of the Marion Board of Health, and on November 2, Building Commissioner Bob Grillo asked for direction from the board on the matter.

            For instance, a home might be classified as a three-bedroom home but could be used as a five-bedroom home or more, putting more strain on the property’s septic system. Grillo said some applicants want answers before they begin design work on a home.

            Such an issue could lead to legal issues and a failed septic system, according to board members.

            Grillo said the definition of a bedroom should be a room with an egress or a window; a windowless room should only be considered a den or office. Board members did not debate that but debated the board’s policy on the matter.

            “Our main concern is the additional rooms,” Board of Health Chairman Dr. Ed Hoffer said. “If someone wishes to add rooms to an existing house without upgrading septic, they should sign a deed restriction.”

            Board member Albin Johnson had a different take. Citing the first homes built in Plymouth, he said there is a history of a homeowner’s right to use rooms as they wish.

            Johnson said there are legal avenues in place to protect homeowners and the environment if people buy the house for more bedrooms than what is advertised. Johnson said a realtor could lose his or her license for false advertisement.

            “I’m a minimalist,” he said. “You receive a certain bundle of rights when you purchase a piece of property. … The first registry of deeds was in Plymouth.”

            The board could not agree to a policy but directed Grillo that any windowless rooms resembling a bedroom should be considered an office.

            In other news, the board agreed that if a business selling tobacco sells the property, the tobacco license should be transferred over to the new ownership – if it is a similar business. Hoffer described it as a pro-business move.

            “It takes away the value of business,” Hoffer said, if officials do not allow a transfer.

            Not all tobacco businesses selling their property will sell it to a tobacco-sales entity, so it will still decrease the number of permits.

            In other business, Johnson took aim at an environmental report for the Marion Sanitary Landfill. He said the most recent report includes an extensive history. In recent years, monitoring wells across the street from the town’s Wastewater Treatment Plant at Benson Brook have not detected nitrogen, and the area is clean of pollutants, according to Johnson.

            Johnson and the board asked for clarification from engineers to guide the board with an interpretation of the report to inform a decision.

            “We are not polluting the environment,” Hoffer said.

            The next meeting of the Marion Board of Health was not announced upon adjournment.

Marion Board of Health

By Jeffrey D. Wagner

            I have always been fascinated with people who find solutions where there are no problems and I feel obliged to keep you, loyal reader, up to date on important issues, especially in areas of personal hygiene.

            You may have read that Charmin, a major manufacturer of toilet tissue, claims to have come up with a revolutionary improvement to their tissue rolls. After five years of exhaustive study and millions of dollars of expense retooling their machinery, they have decided to do away with the traditional square sheet. New improved wavy perforations now replace the traditional straight line of holes. They say this will “provide a better, smoother tear.”

            Well darn, thank you Charmin, because this is something I have been losing sleep over for some time and apparently so have enough frustrated users to warrant this important innovation. I confess I have not had any problem with ragged tears, but I am glad they continue to be on the cutting edge of toilet-paper technology. What’s next, “Glow in the Dark” toilet paper? Well yes, someone tried that, but it lasted less time than it took to flip a light switch.

            Proper hygiene is important, but you may be surprised to hear that Levi, the maker of blue jeans, has declared that their jeans only need to be washed every 10 wearings. Apparently, washing jeans once a week is the equivalent of 6,700 glasses of water, a serious consideration in reducing our carbon footprint. Who would have thought? I didn’t know washing jeans frequently was a problem, but Charles Bergh, CEO of Levi, has a solution … wash your jeans while taking a shower. There ya’ go!

            Another solution without a problem was the infamous “New Coke,” Coca Cola’s attempt to expand its market. When introduced, U.S. Senator David Prior called it “a meaningful moment in U.S. history.” It was a dismal failure because no one asked for it and no one cared. In an effort to keep up in the soft-drink marketplace, Mars, Inc. introduced “Life Savers” soda, but consumers labeled it liquid candy. No candy for you!

            Heinz, the catsup – or is it ketchup – people, produced “Squirt” blue-and green-colored condiments in a squeeze bottle, presumably for kids. The kids balked at the sight of it, and it was off the market in an instant. Other food companies that tried to create solutions for imaginary products where there was no clamoring for them include: Cheetos brand “Flamin’ Hot Lip Balm,” which not only burned lips but turned them orange; “Thirsty Dog” and “Thirsty Cat” beef-and fish-flavored water for pets; and Pizza Hut’s fold-over, calzone-like pizzas called “P-Zones.” Enough said about that name.

            Then in 1982, “Colgate Lasagna” was introduced, which was not only not appetizing but caused their toothpaste sales to plummet.

            Outside the realm of food, Bic, the pen makers, tried their hand at marketing perfume, and when that didn’t work, Bic ballpoints for women with a curvy shape in a variety of pastel colors were introduced. I’ll bet they were all men who dreamed up those products.

            Sometimes companies are ahead of their time. In 1999, Barbie personal computers were introduced. These were not toys, especially at the cost of $699. With the recent popularity of the Barbie movie – even the Red Sox had a Barbie Day at Fenway Park in September – they might have been a success. They were not.

            My favorite solution without a problem that failed was when Esso Oil spent millions of dollars researching, designing, redesigning and test-marketing a new brand identity, making sure the new name wouldn’t offend anyone around the world. As soon as the new name Exxon was released, wags started saying Exxon double-crossed their customers. They stuck it out, but they really should have saved their money; there was no problem with the old name.

            I think Charmin will have a big success with their innovative toilet-paper roll because their blue spokes-bear family is just so adorable. Don’t you agree?

Editor’s note: Mattapoisett resident Dick Morgado is an artist and retired newspaper columnist whose musings are, after some years, back in The Wanderer under the subtitle “Thoughts on ….” Morgado’s opinions have also appeared for many years in daily newspapers around Boston.

Thoughts on…

By Dick Morgado

            After revealing that the towns of Rochester and Mattapoisett might already be working on a resolution, Rochester’s Select Board acted on Monday to table discussion of the Rochester Planning Board’s recent letter requesting the town take further action against the 241-acre regional Conservation Restriction plan that gives Rochester no rights to the water at Red Brick Farm East within that CR.

            As Select Board Chairman Paul Ciaburri motioned to table the issue, he noted the aspect of the new Tri-Town-area Conservation Restriction that the Planning panel references “is still in discussion … We’re having discussions,” he said.

            Ciaburri would not elaborate, but Select Board member Adam Murphy said a joint meeting between the select boards of Rochester and Mattapoisett should be set for a date not too far in the future. Town Administrator Glenn Cannon agreed to work on scheduling that joint get-together.

            The regional Conservation Restriction agreement that the Rochester Conservation Commission recently signed gives Mattapoisett the water rights to the Rochester parcel, including possibly digging up to four new wells, under a co-ownership agreement with the Mattapoisett Water and Sewer Authority. But it makes no guarantee that Rochester would have any rights to the groundwater there, which sparked the town’s Conservation Commission to prod the authority to agree in writing that it would “make every effort” to transfer the conservation land in Rochester to the town.

            Town Counsel recently told the Conservation Commission that this promise of making “every effort” is not a legally enforceable one. Both the Conservation Commission and the Planning Board have written correspondence to the Select Board to ask the members to intercede.

            In other action, the Select Board appointed a new full-time police officer on the recommendation of Police Chief Robert Small. He’s Andrew Bumpus, a Carver resident and current campus police officer at a Massachusetts police academy. Bumpus was immediately sworn in by Town Clerk Marjorie Barrows after the board met him and his family.

            Next, the Select Board met with the Personnel Board and the town’s Labor Counsel, Jan Friedman, and revealed the progress on developing a new Personnel bylaw for town employees. The biggest reveal from the discussion was that the new Personnel panel is considering creating a policy manual that will place certain rules and requirements there instead of into what would otherwise be a larger bylaw. Both the Select Board and Labor Counsel agreed this separation should happen.

            Personnel Board Chairperson Kristine Nash said, “It would make the bylaw a hundred pages” to keep the rules and requirements that might be a better fit in an employee policy manual. “But our stand on bylaw versus policy manual has not been voted on,” she said. “We’ve held off our vote.”

            Friedman said Rochester’s current Personnel bylaws are unusual. For instance, she said, the Personnel Board is the hiring authority, but the town’s Select Board should be the hiring authority. Personnel would be the board to set policy, compensation rates and hear grievances. All parties in the discussion agreed these changes should happen.

            Nash said the Personnel Board is working on a draft bylaw to include more specific job descriptions and pay classifications. Friedman suggested a consultant be hired to create the policy manual and that Cannon should work on cost estimates to hire one.

            Nash said the Personnel Board will be working first on the compensation plan for the 17 employees under the new Personnel bylaw and requested counsel review the draft bylaw when it is ready.

            The Rochester Select Board set its next meeting for Monday, November 20, at 6:00 pm at Town Hall, 1 Constitution Way.

Rochester Select Board

By Michael J. DeCicco