Friends often suggest ideas for columns. I appreciate the thought. I certainly need all the help I can get. Coming up with 600 or more words associated with their idea is hard, so I usually politely say thank you and put their idea on my back-burner list.

            Recently one friend was persistent in offering up her thoughts on an issue she deemed to be a serious, modern problem to the point of chasing me across the park to elaborate.

            Not wanting to be ill-mannered or impolite, I always vow to give their ideas some thought. Boy, have I on this one! In fact, I can’t get it out of my mind. Frankly, the problem drives me “nuts” too. I have spent hours thinking about it.

            The issue: Where have good manners gone?

            My friend’s husband added his take on bad manners: Clerks saying, “Have a good one” after serving you. “One what?” he wonders? And “do you get only one?” I wonder if he goes back later, can he get another one?

            Often a clerk will say, “Have a nice day.” That’s nice, but wouldn’t it be nicer if prefaced by “thank you?” Or just “thank you” would be fine. Let’s keep it simple. But not too simple. After I take my change, hearing “no problem” drives me crazy. Had there been a problem before?

            Recently I did run into a young person who said please and thank you. Congratulations to her. She deserves a raise, and to her parents: Good job! “Please,” “thank you” and “you’re welcome” seem to have vanished from social exchanges.

            Lack of good manners isn’t just limited to over-the-counter of the convenience store or snack bar. When was the last time you saw someone carry a heavy bag across the street for an elderly person? Not often.

            There have been numerous videos on the internet of young people not offering their seats to older people on a subway or a bus. Ask yourself, has anyone younger than you addressed you as Mr., Mrs., Miss or Ms. lately? How about opening a door for you?

            You hear a lot about “kids today …,” but they often get a bad rap. Older folks aren’t any better in the good-manners arena. Videos abound, showing them sitting while a pregnant woman or a physically challenged person is left standing.

            Sure, customs change, but good manners should never go out of style. Historically, society has looked up to our leaders to be examples of good manners. Parliamentary rules exist in government to ensure politicians engage in polite debate.

            You’ve read about recent members of Congress calling each other names or shouting at their colleagues during debates. Not long ago one representative, who will remain nameless, called another “worthless,” and that’s mild. There are “no holds barred” as far as insulting goes on the campaign trail.

            Ill-mannered behavior seems to be in the DNA of people in the political arena. Bad-mannered mudslinging goes way back. In 1861 Mary Chesnut, wife of a prominent political operative, called another’s wife, “ugly as sin, fat, stupid, and cross-eyed.”

            Abe Lincoln’s political opponents called him a “buffoon,” a “hyena” and an “ignoramus.” Thomas Jefferson called John Adams a “blind, bald, toothless … character with neither the force nor fitness of a man …”

            Even earlier in 1830, the British author Francis Trollope, after visiting our shores, wrote an entire book about our country’s lack of manners.

            No one likes bad manners. Woe-be-tied the person who chastises the offender. That would be bad manners. You can’t win. Respect, civility, rudeness and bad manners have become common on TV, on social media and just about everywhere in our day-to-day life. And so, it goes.

            By the way, there are 647 words in this essay. Thank you for reading, and have a nice day.

            Mattapoisett resident Dick Morgado is an artist and happily retired writer. His newspaper columns appeared for many years in daily newspapers around Boston.

Thoughts on…

By Dick Morgado

In the latest of what The Wanderer could have packaged as a series of annual adventures on the high seas, the Perkins brothers of Mattapoisett did the kind of thing two teenagers typically talk about on a quiet, summer day but would probably never try.

            In the course of one weekend morning, they boarded their 13-foot, inflatable boat and circumnavigated Martha’s Vineyard.

            “There’s something about pushing the limits and doing things beyond what others think is ‘normal’ or ‘okay.’ Heck, my brother was told the day before, ‘… that’s not possible, no way you can do that ….’ But, hey, we did it,” said Peter Perkins. “It’s been a thought for years now, and last Friday it came up in conversation with the guys … ‘hey, Haakon, let’s do a boat ride tomorrow – go around the Vineyard!’”

            Born and raised in Mattapoisett, the Perkins brothers are not teenagers. Peter is 31 and Haakon 28. They work in the family insurance business, but their free time has always been around boats and the water.

            “Ever since I was little,” says Peter, recalling days lobstering on his father’s 25-footer, “I’ve been on boats of all sizes.”

            Albeit a decade or more into adult life, the Perkins brothers had their teenage musings about the Vineyard, and the more they talked about it, the more feasible it became.

            “It was my first time around the Vineyard, I always wanted to do it,” said Peter. “I’ve never really taken it seriously until literally two days before we decided to do it. … We tried to be back before noon.”

            The reason for that is fairly basic. The ocean typically awakes from its summer slumber like a sheet of glass, but later the same day, roars with activity. Sunrise was an easy choice.

            “It was pretty late that (Saturday) night, and we ended up going the next day, Sunday (August 25). So Saturday we planned our route, charted our course, checked the weather and tides, packed food, snacks, water, and of course, extra gas,” said Peter.

            Their 20-horsepower inflatable could comfortably carry two passengers and a lot of rope. They knew they might need it for the 70 to 80-foot depth around Gay Head.

            This much rope wouldn’t get the job done, however, in Norway, where the family also has a small boat. Being of 50% Norwegian heritage, Peter and Haakon navigate those waters as well.

            “They’re pretty much the same, similar weather,” said Peter, noting two significant differences, one being that the sun in the summer hardly sets and in winter hardly rises. The other is the water, described by Peter as “400 to 700 feet deep everywhere.”

            The trip around Martha’s Vineyard was conducted at an average of a quarter mile from shore, except for the stretch getting down and the stretch getting back. Using the navigation app on his phone, Peter took the inflatable out of its skiff spot at Mattapoisett Wharf.

            “We left Mattapoisett just after 5:00 am.”

            Looking at a map, the brothers traveled in a counter-clockwise direction, launching from Mattapoisett Harbor and aiming south-southwest toward Gay Head.

            Traveling at an estimated 13 miles per hour, the brothers went the first 14 miles and in an estimated hour and five minutes, reached Robinsons Hole at its narrowest a 215-yard space between Naushon and Pasque islands, part of the network of islands that acts as a breaker between Martha’s Vineyard and the South Coast.

            “Buzzards Bay was choppy, more than we hoped for and we almost turned around. But when we got to Robinsons and the sun was rising, we pushed through, and I’m glad we did,” said Peter. “Entering Vineyard Sound it was glass, a mirror. We skimmed across the water. The only disturbance was the bubbling of fish and the turning of the tide.”

            They only had to go half as far to reach Menemsha (Chilmark), an “easy” 7.5 miles and 35 minutes. Staying on course, the brothers were often ahead of the schedule they had because they were able to cut through the calm waters at 15 mph.

            “We banked due west towards Gay Head, lighthouse in sight. It was an easy 4-mile stretch, only taking another 19 minutes. We don’t draw much water, so we hugged the coast closer than most of the fishing boats, but I was checking the Nav App on my phone often, just in case,” said Peter, noting an uptick in waves. “As we cornered Gay Head point, the seas chopped up – probably the sharp, depth changes since we were so close to the coast. But the sea was soon smooth again, just as we hit the southwest side of the island.”

            Peter described their stretch to Squibnocket Point as “glorious, a 5-mile rip taking 23 minutes. The cliffs were lit with a deep orange by the rising sun, and the air was starting to change.”

            There, they filled their gas tank.

            Spectacular in its cliffs and steep terrain, the west end of Martha’s Vineyard presents a wall to the seafarer not unlike most of Block Island (Rhode Island).

            “Seeing land from the ocean is different. You get a different view,” said Peter, recalling his trip into Acadia National Park in Maine. “We had plans if it got too rough. … Buzzards Bay is probably going to be the worst. We brought enough anchor lines so, if the motor died and we were stuck out there, we would just anchor and call somebody. … You want to be careful.”

            From an average of a quarter mile from the shore, lifeguards could be seen on the south, ocean-facing side of the Vineyard.

            The 18-mile trek from west to east along the south-facing coast of the Vineyard was considered “a hike,” taking an hour and 23 minutes.

“Cliffs turned to hills. Beaches were baron with the occasional early morning walker. We stopped halfway for a snack and to call our dad. ‘Wow! It is beautiful out there!’” Peter wrote in a summary of the trip. “The blue sky was open, not a cloud. The sun was getting higher and warming our faces. Beaches, as far as the eye could see. Houses – mansions actually – became visible and disappeared just as quickly behind dunes as we cruised the coast.”

            The brothers noticed lifeguards doing sit-ups in advance of the day’s beach crowd.

            “We were seeing the island through different eyes. They were looking out at us, and we were looking back at everyone else and the Vineyard. Just us in our lil’ ole boat,” wrote Peter.

            They reached the Wasque Point Wildlife Management Area on schedule and made the loop around Cape Poge Lighthouse.

            “We strayed from our chartered course here – the weather and water was too nice,” said Peter, noting their decision to head straight to East Chop Lighthouse with a pitstop at Jaws Bridge. “Well, we actually decided to put underneath it and, while we were at it, stand up and touch the bottom of the bridge – check! We cut the engine for a sandwich and a soda.”

            Peter described festive activity, “boats everywhere, zooming back and forth, chasing the schools of fish all around us.”

            After once again filled their tank, the brothers hit harder seas from East Chop Lighthouse to Woods Hole, the return leg north to the mainland 6 miles, taking 28 minutes. By now the seas were crashing against the vessel, spraying water from all directions.

            “It didn’t matter,” Peter writes. “The sun was high, and the air was warm. If anything, it was refreshing.”

            Woods Hole presented heavy boat traffic coming in all sizes. Practically unnoticeable amidst larger craft, the brothers tailed a big sailboat for protection.

            “We stuffed the front end of the inflatable once, midchannel, a clencher for sure. But, we held strong and kept a steady pace, reading the currents and standing waves,” wrote Peter.

            The straight, 10-mile stretch back to Mattapoisett required one more fill-up, and that was still cutting it close.

            “Before we knew it, we could see Ned’s Point and with a shake of the gas tank we opened knew we’d make it,” he said.

            The Perkins brothers were back in their skiff stop before noon, having logged 74 nautical miles in 6 hours and 42 minutes, including their stops.

            The circumnavigation of the Vineyard yielded spectacular views and some unruly seas but mostly a fun adventure that will define a summer that is not quite over.

            “We’ll be out in the boat until it’s too cold to be out in the boat,” said Peter. “We’re usually the last ones to take the boat out of the water.”

By Mick Colageo