Village Road Project Reaches Consensus

            In 2015-16, the Mattapoisett Select Board began what would be known as the “village streets” project, a grand plan to improve all the village roadways and sidewalks to improve safety and convenience for pedestrians and cyclists. On Tuesday night, a plan was finally agreed upon with consulting engineers VHB.

            As noted in their previous meeting, the clock was ticking down for the town to submit a plan for Massachusetts Department of Transportation to review, the main funding source for the multi-million-dollar project.

            The VHB team returned on this night to share further modifications that had been requested by the Select Board, and the board was ready to move forward.

            After airing concerns that trees left in place during construction on Main Street, Water Street, Marion Road and Beacon Street might suffer, the Select Board agreed to the elimination of approximately 17 trees and a planting plan for approximately 40 new trees.

            Sidewalks were discussed with member Jodi Bauer stressing the importance of having sidewalks on the southerly side of the design (along the waterfront) for the safety of pedestrians.

            Carlos DeSousa, a retired engineer, offered a suggestion that since the roads would be opened during construction, it might be an opportunity to have all utilities upgraded, placing them underground. He said this would not require the removal of trees. He also noted that utility poles are not only unsightly, they are old. The board was unanimous in its response that such a plan would be cost prohibitive but agreed to have VHB evaluate that possibility with MassDOT.

            In the end, the board voted to have “Plan 4” submitted with minor changes to locations for sidewalks and that VHB would attend a planned December 15 meeting with the state agency to review final questions and the design. Interested residents should contact the Select Board’s office.

            Earlier in the meeting, the board voted to approve updated policies for the town’s Senior Work-off (real estate tax) Abatement program and the Veterans’ Work-off Abatement program. The programs are designed to give seniors (over age 60) and veterans up to $750 in tax rebates for work performed for the town.

            Also accepted by vote were updated snow-plowing regulations for private roads. Roads must be in good repair and must be clear of vehicles and other obstacles, while shoulders may not contain mailboxes, plantings, cobblestones and such. Most importantly, the roadway must have been constructed in accordance with the Rules and Regulations of the Planning Board.

            The Select Board met with new Herring Inspector John Wilbur, who reported an approximate rise in herring numbers over 2022 of 20% or 1,700 fish. The total estimated fish count for 2023 was 4,000.

            Holiday in the Park 2023 was announced and planned for Saturday, December 9, from 3:00 pm to 5:00 pm. The town is looking for a Christmas tree to decorate Shipyard Park during the event and the season. Anyone interested in donating a tree is asked to contact the Highway Department at 508-758-4181. The next meeting of the Mattapoisett Select Board was not announced at adjournment.

Mattapoisett Select Board

By Marilou Newell

Thank You and Welcome Home

Editor’s note:  The following speech was delivered on Veterans Day, November 11, at Old Landing in Marion.Good morning.

            I am Pete O’Brien, I am a retired Marine Corps Infantry Master Gunnery Sergeant, having served on active duty for 27 years, 4 months, and 18 days. Throughout my career, I had the honor and privilege of serving alongside some of the finest Americans the country has to offer. I did this while part of five Infantry Battalions, one Infantry regiment, three years as a Drill Instructor, two years at the School of Infantry, and four years at Supporting establishments.

            While Memorial Day in May commemorates the service members that have made the ultimate sacrifice, Veterans Day honors our neighbors who have sworn to support and defend the Constitution of the United States that are still with us. Today, I want to take this opportunity to reflect upon the profound importance of veterans and why they are an indelible part of our country’s history and our society.

            What is a veteran … in its true and real definition, is an individual who has served in the military, having completed their term of service, and fulfilled their duty to their country. They have undergone training, faced challenges, and made sacrifices to protect the freedoms and values we hold dear.

            But a veteran is also a weird breed of superhero who has traded their cape for camouflage, their secret lair for a barracks, and their superpowers for unparalleled discipline. They possess an uncanny ability to solve problems with duct tape, a multitasking prowess that allows them to juggle grenades while fixing an engine, and a knack for turning any extremely serious or sad situation into a humorous one.

            They can sleep through a hurricane, wake up at the crack of dawn, and survive on a diet of coffee and hot sauce alone. With a collection of tales that could rival the greatest works of fiction, a veteran is the embodiment of resilience, wit, and a never-ending supply of “sea stories” to entertain anyone within earshot. As I stand here today, many memories flood my mind – memories of camaraderie, sacrifice, and unwavering dedication.

            Veterans Day holds a profound significance for all of us. It is a time to reflect on the sacrifices made by the men and women who have served in our armed forces. These brave individuals have selflessly dedicated their lives to protect our freedom, uphold our values, and defend our way of life.

            They have answered the call of duty, leaving behind their families, their homes, and often risking their own lives to ensure our safety and security. Being a veteran means carrying the weight of honor, duty, and service on your shoulders. It means stepping forward when others step back.

            Throughout our nation’s history, veterans have played a pivotal role in shaping the course of events. From the hallowed grounds of Lexington and Concord to the blood-soaked beaches of Normandy, the unforgiving mountains of Afghanistan to the relentless tempters in the deserts of Iraq, veterans have answered the call, and confronted the nation’s enemies head-on.

            However, being a veteran goes beyond the battles fought on distant shores. It is the embodiment of sacrifice that transcends the uniform. Veterans bring back with them a unique perspective – a perspective forged through the crucible of service. Veterans have witnessed the horrors of war, experienced the pain of separation from loved ones, or stood beside teammates who made the ultimate sacrifice. This perspective instills in them a deep appreciation for the blessings we all enjoy as a nation, reminding us that freedom is not free, but earned through the blood, sweat, and tears of our veterans.

            The contributions of veterans extend far beyond the battlefield. They carry with them the values instilled during their service – values such as honor, courage, integrity, and resilience. These values become the bedrock of their character, shaping them into leaders and role models in our families, communities, and workplaces. The discipline, teamwork, and unwavering commitment to a mission become ingrained in their very being, inspiring those around them and setting an example for future generations.

            As we gather here today, it is our duty as a society and community to honor and support our veterans. We must recognize the sacrifices they have made; we must create a society that embraces veterans and their experiences to build a better future for our community and nation.

            To my fellow veterans, I stand among giants – men and women who have faced adversity with unwavering resolve, who have answered the call to protect our freedoms, and who have shown the true meaning of selfless service. Your sacrifices will never be forgotten, and your contributions will forever be etched in the fabric of our nation’s history. We owe you a debt of gratitude that can never fully be repaid.

            Today, as we honor our veterans, let us remember that their legacy is not confined to a single day or a chapter in some dusty history book. It is a reminder that the price of freedom is high, but the rewards are immeasurable.

            In closing, I want to express my deepest gratitude to all veterans for their unwavering service, their invincible spirit, and their steadfast commitment to duty. I will simply end this by saying to all Veterans in attendance … “Thank you for your Service” and to those Viet Nam Veterans that are here today, from me to all of you … “Welcome Home.”

Quilt of Valor Recipient

How appropriate, with Veterans Day this past Saturday, that on November 8, Fairhaven resident Antone P. Lopes was presented a Quilt of Valor by Janet Segur, Veterans Committee Director of the Massachusetts State Grange at an open meeting of Rochester Grange. She was assisted by Allen Manley, another committee member as well as members of the Grange.

            For those who have never heard of Quilts of Valor, it is a national foundation begun in 2003 after one woman had a dream. It was of a young soldier suffering and in need of comfort. After her dream, she wondered what she could do and the idea of making a quilt came to mind as a symbol of comfort. Today volunteers, women & men, from across the country work to make each quilt. One person will piece the top by hand and another will do the quilting using the “long arm” method. To date, well over 350,000 quilts have been given to active duty soldiers and veterans. These beautiful quilts are meant as “a thank you for your service, sacrifice and valor in serving our Nation.” Janet has her own group of quilters making quilts for presentations by the State Grange in partnership with the Massachusetts branch of QoV.

            Tony had a long career in service to the country he loves beginning with his entrance into the Army in 1966 and his retirement in 2003 as a Master Sergeant. His specific jobs throughout his career were as a Veterinary Specialist and in Civil Affairs. His basic training was at Fort Jackson in South Carolina. Tony served 2 years “in country” in Vietnam in the Army Veterinary Corps. Tony left the service in 1970 and became a Police Officer in Fairhaven – now retired. In 1997 he signed up with the 443d Civil Affairs unit out of RI. He was activated with the 414th Civil Affairs out of Utica, New York to help provide security for Iraqi prisoners. He served in Operation Desert Shield/Desert Storm, the Persian Gulf War, Operation Endeavor in Bosnia and Herzegovina. As a Reservist in 1998 he went to Germany. In all, he was stationed to 10 postings, including Italy, Turkey and Albania.

            Tony’s record is impressive. Among his many awards, he received the National Defense Service Medal w/Bronze Star, Vietnam Service Medal & Campaign Medal w/60 Devise, Army Service Ribbon, (4) Driver Mechanic Badge w/overseas service ribbon, Bronze Service Medal & 2 Army Commendation Medals w/humanitarian service medal.

            The Grange is proud to have been a part of honoring Tony for his service and salute all Veterans who have so proudly served our Country.

Path toward Progress

            The long-awaited Point Road walking and bike path has made strides recently and might save $30,000 in donated gravel.

            In the works for nearly four years, the Point Road Path project is coming along, according to Marion Open Space Acquisition Commission Chairman John Rockwell.

            At the commission’s November 2 public meeting, Rockwell updated the membership that Frank Linhares will be conducting retaining-wall work for $12,500, while Arne Excavating will be removing nine rocks in the area to help clear the path. That bid came out to $7,250.

            On another note, Rockwell said he and a member of the Marion Select Board are working on the possibility of getting approximately 2,000 yards of donated gravel, which would be a savings for the project.

            Rockwell and MOSAC had no specific timeline, but residents in that area have long called for a nice walking and biking area. That area has no safe place to run, walk or bike. A 2019 Town Meeting approved $268,000 for the project. Rockwell told residents at the meeting that the project has been long-awaited but is coming together.

            One resident asked how the path would connect to adjacent Jenna and Joanne Drives and how snowplows could impact the areas connected the path to those streets. Rockwell said he envisions enough gravel to make the path join easily with those drives, and he even hopes for a handicap-accessible strip to allow for safe access to the path from those roads.

            MOSAC disappointed residents last summer who wanted the path open this summer, but Rockwell at a July meeting explained that engineering and permitting account for 30 percent of costs.

            Rockwell also said at the July meeting that $117,000 of the $268,000 approved for the project in 2019 was allocated to “in-kind services” such as the Notice of Intent to plot the wetlands line and a match involving contract supervision and design work.

            Residents on the Zoom call at a November 2 meeting expressed gratitude with the project moving forward.

            The project ties in with the South Coast Bike Alliance, which seeks to create as many continuous bike paths all over the South Coast, connecting Marion and Mattapoisett with Greater New Bedford communities while also connecting to Greater Fall River communities.

            The next meeting of the Open Space Acquisition Commission was not scheduled upon adjournment.

Marion Open Space Acquisition Commission

By Jeffrey D. Wagner

ORRJH Senior Citizen Thanksgiving Banquet

The 30th annual Thanksgiving Dinner for Tri-Town (Marion, Mattapoisett, and

Rochester) senior citizens, sponsored by members of the Old Rochester Regional Jr. High School Community, will be held on Sunday, November 19 at 12:00 pm in the O.R.R.J.H.S. cafeteria. (Doors will open at 11:15 a.m.)

            Three hundred tickets will be available, 100 per town, and distributed through the local Council’s on Aging. Shut-in meals will also be available. Please notify your local Council on Aging with the names and address of the intended recipient.

            Any individual or local business interested in making cash contributions or donating door prizes should call the junior high at (508) 758-4928 and speak with Ms. Toni Bailey, Administrative Assistant to Mr. Silas Coellner, Principal.

            As always, we look forward to the continued support of the Tri-Town communities.

New Play Coming to the MAC Stage

The Marion Art Center is pleased to present Miracle on South Division Street, written by Tom Dudzick and directed by Donn Tyler and Maura Van Voris. Performance dates are December 1, 2, 3, 8, 9, 15, and 16. Friday and Saturday shows will start at 7:30 pm, while the Sunday matinee will begin at 2:00 pm. The cast includes Kate Martin, Tristan McCann, Kate Sorensen-Young and Bethany Whitehead. Stage Manager is Marisa Biever, Sound and Lighting tech is Steven McManus, and set design is by Maura Van Voris.

            Miracle on South Division Street is the story of the Nowak family, living in Pawtucket, Rhode Island. Maybe the neighborhood is depressed, but not Clara, the family matriarch. She happily runs her soup kitchen and tends to the family heirloom – a twenty-foot shrine to the Blessed Mother, which adjoins the house. This neighborhood beacon of faith commemorates the day in 1942 when the Blessed Virgin Mary materialized in her father’s barbershop. When the play opens – on Christmas Eve – a family meeting is in progress. Daughter Ruth divulges her plan to finally “go public” with the family miracle by creating a one-woman play about the sacred event. But during the course of the meeting, the entire family’s faith is shaken to the very core when a deathbed confession causes the family legend to unravel. The results are heartfelt and hilarious.

            Tickets are on sale now for MAC members ($20) and go on sale to nonmembers ($23) on November 11, and can be purchased online at marionartcenter.org/events. The MAC is also a participant in Mass Cultural Council’s Card to Culture program, in collaboration with the Department of Transitional Assistance, the Women, Infants & Children (WIC) Nutrition Program, and the Massachusetts Health Connector, by broadening accessibility to cultural programming. Learn more about the MAC’s free or low cost ticket offerings at marionartcenter.org/about.

Cases Coordinated with Planning

Rochester’s Conservation Commission Tuesday continued its review of two large projects until November 21 to give the town’s Planning Board time to review both plans first.

            JPF Development is seeking approval of a Notice of Intent to build a 15-acre, self-storage facility at Kings Highway and Route 28 that will feature the construction of seven self-storage buildings and an office with associated paved, access drives, parking areas, utilities and a stormwater-management system, located within the 100-foot wetlands buffer zone.

            Bob Rogers of G.A.F. Engineering opened the public hearing by explaining that the site has a varied topography because of the work that has been done on the site over the years. He is proposing to build a system that will grade stormwater runoff to the south into three separate water infiltration systems. These will include one for the parking area alone and the largest one for the area of the self-storage buildings.

            Rogers added he is asking the Conservation Commission for a continuance in order to hear first what the Planning Board will say about the project at the petitioner’s meeting with that board on November 14. He said he needs at least until November 21 to see how that input may change the plan.

            Conservation Commission Chairman Chris Gerrior emphasized the need to schedule a site visit as part of its review of the plan. Rogers hesitated to schedule one so soon. He said he is still busy with his survey crew, and where they would want to take their walk is not yet clear enough. It was agreed to wait to schedule that walk until after November 14.

            BWC Snows Pond LLC’s Notice of Intent plan is to build a solar array on 12.55 acres of a 31-acre parcel at 0 Cushman Road, to include a 2.39 megawatt (direct current), single-access tracking photovoltaic array and associated battery-energy storage within the 100-foot wetlands buffer zone.

            Engineering consultant Andrew Hamel said currently the lot is a grass field with woods that will need to be partially cleared, and there is a stone wall that will need to be cut into to provide an access road. He, too, said his project is being reviewed by the Planning Board on November 14.

            Melanie Sherman Morrison complained that she is such a close neighbor that she will have to constantly look at this solar array once it is erected. She wanted to know how close the array operations will come to her property and the wetlands near her and what will happen to stormwater runoff.

            Hamel said the array operations will stop 180 feet away from the area that concerns her, and that there will be no additional runoff caused by the project. Gerrior encouraged her to continue providing input when the Planning Board reviews the proposal on November 14.

            Here, too, the commissioners agreed to schedule a site visit via email with the membership, the petitioner and Conservation Agent Merilee Kelly and to continue the hearing until November 21.

            In other action, the commission approved a Notice of Intent to expand a back yard behind a single-family home at 31 Hiller Road by leveling the area with fill addition no closer than 25 feet from wetlands.

            Previously, homeowner Nathaniel Reece said he had already placed a silt fence and boulders where he wants his work to start. On November 7, he returned with a precise delineation of where the wetlands begin from a wetlands specialist. Those readings showed that his work will be no more than 35 to 40 feet from wetlands. The board will now work on the project’s Order of Conditions.

            The Rochester Conservation Commission scheduled its next meeting for Tuesday, November 21, at 7:00 pm at Town Hall, 1 Constitution Way.

Rochester Conservation Commission

By Michael J. DeCicco

New Committee to Advise on Memorials

            Ray Hanks was on a mission. He held fast to the concept of identifying Mattapoisett’s deceased veterans, those who perished in combat and those for whom the hands of time ran out. Little did he know that his then-stated mission would flower into his appointment as chairman of the town’s newest advisory committee.

            The newly formed committee will be charged with advising the Select Board on all monuments and memorials considered for placement on public property. That includes such items as memorial benches and bricks but also the care and oversight of two municipal cemeteries, Hammond (located on River Road) and Barlow (located off Park Street)

            Hanks’ pursuit of identifying the graves of veterans has begun with members of the committee assisting not only taking inventories of gravesites located in both municipal and private cemeteries but also pursuing the establishment of Mattapoisett as a Purple Heart Community. The town sent a proclamation to the Purple Heart association with supporting documentation of veterans killed in action. In September, the town received confirmation of its acceptance.

            In a recent email to the committee members, Hanks shared that during the town’s November 11 Veterans Day ceremony, “the members of the Cemetery/Veterans Advisory Committee will be presented. This will be in conjunction with presenting our induction as a Purple Heart town and the future recognition of our Revolutionary War veterans by the Sons of the American Revolution.”

            On that last point, Hanks and others are working on a list of Revolutionary soldiers’ gravesite locations and a plaque that will be appropriately placed on public land listing the patriots’ names.

            The recognition of Purple Heart recipients is dear to Hanks, having worked with other communities to recognize their war dead, one that included a family member. We found the following on the American Revolution Institute website: “George Washington created the Badge of Military Merit — the first American military decoration for enlisted men — on August 7, 1782.” It would later evolve into the Purple Heart in 1932.

            The commission has selected the style of roadside signage Mattapoisett will display and will work with the Highway Department and Select Board to pick the best locations.

            In the background, work continues on recognition of Revolutionary War soldiers. The commission met with Stephen Watts of the Massachusetts Sons of the American Revolution. Watts talked about the program and process necessary for signage that could be prominently placed.

            Another endeavor Hanks has brought to the fore is a program of placing holiday wreathes on the graves of all deceased military personnel, regardless of the era of the military enrollment or the stated reason of the deceased passing. Hanks is himself a veteran, former Marine, Vietnam.

By Marilou Newell

Betsey June (Winslow) Converse

Betsey June (Winslow) Converse, 90, of Marion, died October 27, 2023 at home. She was the wife of the late Norman A. Converse, Jr.

            Born in Fall River on February 3, 1933, she was the daughter of Edwin C. and Effie L. Winslow of Mattapoisett. She loved to tell the story of her adoption by the two best parents she could ever have dreamed of.

            Growing up in Mattapoisett, Betsey attended Center School, and graduated from Fairhaven High School. She made life long friends during these years. Her cheerful and agreeable nature, humor, outgoing personality, winning smile, and bright blue eyes engaged her with everyone she met throughout her life.

            She was drawn to a quiet and interesting young man named Norman Converse, who was the older brother of her “BFF”, Muriel (Converse) Walker, and they were married in 1951. She was 18 years old when they embarked upon what would be a 70-year commitment to each other, and included many adventures of a simple life based upon raising a family, a love of nature, music, friends, camping, hiking, and sailing.

            Together, they spent close to 40 summers on a tidal cove in downeast Maine, where they built a little cottage and created an off the grid lifestyle, making new friends, tending their garden, exploring Washington County’s lakes, streams and ponds for fishing, swimming, and good picnic spots. Their family loved visiting, camping out with them, sitting around the campfire, star gazing, having great meals (yes, she made a good soup!) and listening to Betsey playing the piano.

            Betsey was an accomplished pianist. She began taking lessons at an early age and quickly found a natural aptitude and talent. She studied throughout her teen years with renowned concert pianist and teacher, Madame Lily Dumont of New Bedford, MA, and became a popular teacher herself, giving lessons from home and also at Tabor Academy. Besides teaching piano, she taught for several years at The Loft School in Marion. Later in life, she returned to her studies with Madame Dumont, and her playing improved even more as she participated in Master classes at the Longy School of Music in Boston, and at SMU, and renewed her relationship with the teacher who adored her from her childhood.

            Her family encouraged her to keep playing through her last few years as she struggled somewhat with dementia. She might not have been able to retrieve the words she wanted to say, but she could sit at the piano and decipher those “funny little black marks on the page” and express herself through her music.

            We were able to bring her to Maine for one last visit to her camp this past August, and our pictures from that trip show her beaming with delight in every one. We are grateful that we were able to care for her in her own home, in familiar surroundings, with her piano, her loving neighbors, and with her daughters who were able to be by her side and share the last few years of her life with the mother who was a best friend to each one.

            Betsey had “done all she wanted to do” in life, was happy and grateful for everything, and was loved by all. She was ready to go be with her parents, and Norman, and we can only imagine all the friends she made over her long life greeting her somewhere with joy. And if any of that is true, it’s comforting to think of her greeting us again someday, too.

            She is survived by three daughters, Sara C. Fraley (and spouse Frederick) of Mount Desert, Maine; Amy L. Converse of Ellsworth, Maine; and Pearl A. Converse of Wareham, MA; four grandchildren, Faith M. Penney of Charlotte, NC; Rowan C. Fraley of Mount Desert, Maine; Zephyr Converse (and spouse Al) of Fitchburg, MA, and Adam B. Fraley of Trenton, Maine; also her Converse brothers and sisters in law: Muriel C. Walker, Mark (and Hilary) Converse, Marshall (and Maria) Converse, Celeste (and Ray) Sylvia, Corinne Fisher, Christine Cummings, and Kent (and Nancy) Converse, and many nieces and nephews on this side of the family. She leaves behind a close-knit neighborhood of devoted friends (you know who you are!), and we thank you from the bottom of our hearts for your love of our mother, your friendships and your support.

            Burial will be at Cushing Cemetery in Mattapoisett, and a private gathering will be held in Celebration of Betsey at a later date. Condolences and remembrances may be shared online at Donaghy-Hathaway Funeral Home, New Bedford, MA.

From the Files of the Rochester Historical Society

            Over the years of watching television, you could find eras where different genres dominated. Today, we have crime shows of all types with many of them having a military or police connection (NCIS, FBI, Seal Team.) In the past, we had shows with a PI or police officer (Mannix, Rockford, Columbo) as the main character.

            Growing up in the 50’s and 60’s, Westerns for both kids and adults dominated both the big and small screens. Man shows got their start on the radio, the Lone Ranger, and at the movies, the singing cowboys, Roy Rogers and Gene Autry. There were so many: Hop Along Cassidy, Range Rider, Bat Masterson, Maverick and Gunsmoke, to name a few.

            Like today’s kids who dress up like superheroes or Star Wars characters complete with light sabers, it was common to see pint-sized cowboys and cowgirls with at least a hat and holstered six gun (if you were lucky, it was a cap pistol.) The old sandpit at my grandparents’ house was a perfect place to act out all kinds of western adventures.

            Now, for our Rochester connection to all of this. In Rochester, there were a variety of small markets where residents could shop for groceries without having to go to Wareham, Mattapoisett or Fairhaven. One of these was Bettencourt’s located beside today’s Lloyd’s Market at the corner of Hartley and Cushman Roads. The store was mentioned in an earlier article about the bench that was donated to the Museum.

            Manuel Bettencourt opened the store in the early 1900’s and operated it into the 1950’s. It was a convenient place to get anything from meat to penny candy. Recently, I was reminiscing with my cousin, Norene Hartley, about the store, and we agreed the best part was the porch. It was a raised wooden platform with a railing and looked like every sidewalk in every western town on TV.

            When we were old enough to walk from my grandparents’ on Snipatuit Rd., my sister, any available cousins and I would head down to the store. First, we would stop to say “Hi” to Aunt Nell at the Mill Office, and then we’d cross the street to Bettencourt’s and swagger “western style” down the porch. Our first stop would be the big red Coke machine. We’d reach in, grab a cold bottle and then use the bottle opener on the side to take off the cap before heading inside for that penny candy.

            The picture with this article is of my sister, Marion, and myself in our cowgirl regalia along with cousins, Norene and Phyllis Hartley who lived across the road from my grandparents.

            The Bettencourt sign is part of our display at the Rochester Historical Museum at 355 County Rd. We’re always open by appointment but will also try to be open Sundays in November from 1-3. It’s best to call 617-750-2818 or 508-295-8908 to double-check. It’s also a good time to do your Christmas shopping at our gift shop full of Rochester-themed clothing, books, hats and other items.

            Oh, yes, how many westerns can you remember?

By Connie Eshbach