Marion’s Council on Aging has some friends, but they want more. The newly-formed Friends of the Marion Council on Aging plan to support the Council on Aging so it can provide even more services to the town’s seniors and other citizens.

“Our goal is to raise money for the COA,” said Priscilla Ditchfield, the treasurer of the organization. According to Ditchfield, the COA is town-funded and cannot fundraise or apply for grants from private foundations or corporations.

“We want to be an advocate for older people in town and expand the scope of the council,” Ditchfield said.

The group formed last fall and quickly gained momentum. A town-wide mailing explaining the purpose of the Friends will go out in May.

“We hope that everyone in town will become a friend,” said Chrissie Bascom, the secretary of the FMCOA. “You can become a friend for a $10 donation.”

According to Bascom, one-third of Marion’s population is over 60 years of age. In the 2012 census, 1,635 people, or roughly 30.5 percent of the population, is over 60.

“We are not sure, but looking down the road 10 to 20 years, it could approach the 50 percent mark.”

The diverse offerings for seniors in Marion include movies at the Marion Music Hall, classes at the Marion Recreation Department’s Atlantis Avenue facility and exercise sessions at the First Congregational Church of Marion.

“One of the issues is that there isn’t a place where all of these opportunities are offered and where people can move from room to room and socialize,” Bascom said. “Perhaps a community center in the future would be a goal.”

“We are impressed with the work of the COA,” Bascom added. According to the statistics provided by Director Susan Schwager, the Marion COA delivered 5,340 meals and provided 5,996 rides for shopping and medical appointments in 2012. Other services included a Health Fair, a monthly lecture series, a safe driving program and free tax preparation during tax season. The COA also manages the Senior Work-Off program, where seniors work as volunteers and reduce their real estate taxes.

To become a friend of the COA, you can volunteer or donate as little as the aforementioned $10. The organization is also looking for volunteers to join their membership, fundraising, communication, enrichment and long-range planning committees.

To volunteer, join or get more information, email friendsmarioncoa@gmail.com. A new website is under construction at www.fmcoa.org.

By Joan Hartnett-Barry

Mine is a cautionary tale of what not to do. I’m sharing not for my glorification but in the hope that someone reading this will benefit and know they are not alone.

For 13 years, I was involved with caring for my father. In 1998, he sustained a closed head injury so damaging that he spent four months in an amnesia state housed in the locked unit of a nursing home. Slowly, as he regained some mental functioning and as Medicare coverage was coming to an end, he returned home. He could perform all the habits of daily living, but his emotional and psychological equilibrium ebbed and flowed with the tides. It took a couple of years for this to level off. My parents were able to resume a fairly normal life. What we didn’t fully understand at the time was that Dad also had dementia. Our wild ride was just beginning.

By 2008, my mother no longer was able to care for herself. Her falling episodes rendered it necessary for her to receive nursing home care. When she left home for the last time, Dad was alone, completely and utterly alone — except for me.

So began my journey of living several full-time lives concurrently; a wife, a mother, a grandmother, a person with a career and a caregiver. The last few years of Dad’s life were an endless array of medical appointments, in-home evaluations with service providers, or hands-on assistance bathing him, cleaning his home, preparing meals and being his confidante. I drove thousands of miles between his home and mine. My life was dictated by the needs of an elderly man with dementia.

My husband and son were allies as I pulled out all the stops in surrounding Dad with personal care attendants. I was the general forging battle plans against the advancing disease. I was continuously striving to give Dad good in-home care. For a long time, he was okay. But I was not. I just kept going, pushing, doing. I didn’t recognize my own unraveling.

By 2010, Dad’s dementia had reached the stage where his delusions were his reality. The following is from a passage I wrote at that time, as I attempted to deal with all the unpleasant emotions his condition stirred in me:

“One day, Dad told me, ‘I got a new baby boy. I want you to take me and him to visit your mother. She’ll like that.’ As he said this to me he was smiling with the joy any new father would feel, except in this case, it is just plain sad. I am sick to my stomach.”

After nine decades of independent living, being a responsible reasonable father and husband, the end was coming. He began wandering off trying to find imaginary family. He searched for fishing boats and businesses he was so sure he owned. He’d ask complete strangers to give him a ride to the bank and on the way tell them he’d be withdrawing millions of dollars. Dad needed someone to watch over him on a full-time basis.

But this type of care, known as custodial care in the health care industry, is not covered by Medicare or Mass Health. If the sick person is able to walk, feed themselves, go to the toilet, dress, and perform other basic functions, they are not candidates for nursing home care. My parents did not have any other form of health insurance or financial resources to purchase assistance. The total responsibility for custodial care falls to family members. I couldn’t manage his advancing disease any longer and I could not bring him into my home. I’d lie awake at night tortured by how to take care of Dad. His disease had become too much for me, and he had become a danger to himself. Something would have to give.

That something came in February of 2011. He developed pneumonia. This allowed the Medicare system and me to have him hospitalized for three days and then admitted to a nursing home for a limited period of time. The complicated and multilayered processes that Medicare and Mass Health programs require cannot be described easily. Suffice to say, with tremendous emotional agony, I negotiated government and health care regulations, securing the professional 24-hour care he now needed. Dad was transported to the nursing home.

He railed against me: it was my fault; I was keeping him from his new family, his millions of dollars, his fishing business and the store he owned. He told me I wasn’t going to get anything. I had failed him by placing him at “the end of the world.” He called the nursing home a “funeral parlor.” In spite of his delusions, there were moments of complete clarity. It was heartbreaking.

After a few weeks, it was as though he gave up living. Although it was never discussed, he knew he wasn’t going home again. Those weeks were agonizing for us both and remain a pulsing open wound in my soul. I watched his will to live slide away moment by moment. I still feel tremendous guilt. Dad’s battle ended in May 2011.

One in every three senior citizens will develop some type of dementia. Alzheimer’s is the sixth-leading cause of death for seniors. As for the caregivers, 1.5 million caregivers provide 17.5 billion hours of care per year, according to the Alzheimer’s Association.

Dad and I were a winning team for a long time. But when the disease ended his ability for any rational thinking, I really needed more help than my husband and son could possibly provide. I needed professional support, but did not ask for it.

There is no cure for Alzheimer’s. It is progressive, life-altering and impacts everyone in its wake. Without proper support, caregivers are in jeopardy of breaking down under the strain of the disease. When the caregivers break down, the disease victims are placed in jeopardy, also. The ripple effects throughout an entire family are profound. As I look back through the veil of time, I realize I should have reached out for help — help that is there for the asking.

No one is immune from Alzheimer’s. People from every walk of life are afflicted. Consider Glenn Campbell, Ronald Regan and Pat Summit. The odds are very high that you or someone you know will have a personal experience with this devastating disease.

If you are facing the challenges that come along with an Alzheimer’s diagnosis, ask for help right away; don’t wait. Reach out to your local Council on Aging Office for contact information. You should also visit www.alz.org or call 800-272-3900 (the hotline is open 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year). It really is okay to say, “Help me.”

By Marilou Newell

During my first month as News Editor at The Wanderer, I’ve had the privilege of meeting many residents of the Tri-Town and getting a crash course in both the area’s history and way of life. I’ve learned a lot in a short time and can’t wait to learn more. Thanks to all of those in Marion, Mattapoisett and Rochester who have been so welcoming, helpful and generous with their time. I’m honored to be working at The Wanderer, which has a strong tradition of public service journalism in this close-knit and active community, and I look forward to helping strengthen the paper’s commitment to quality coverage and timely information every week. Should our readers ever have any suggestions, comments, questions, concerns or tips about our News section, I can be reached at 508-758-9055 or shawn@wanderer.com.

But enough about me. I’d like to use my first Editor’s Pick to suggest Marion residents’ attendance at the Planning Board’s April 16 public hearing at the Town Hall. Now, this might seem like a pretty dry pick with all of the great spring festivities going on and summer right around the corner, but the importance of the hearing’s agenda shouldn’t be overlooked.

At issue will be the proposed solar bylaw. Currently, the bylaw, which formalizes the process for installing residential solar arrays in Marion while also recommending a Municipal Solar Overlay District, is slated for a vote at the May 13 Town Meeting. The policy has been spearheaded by the Energy Management Committee, with input from the Marion Planning Board, and signed off on by the Board of Selectmen.

But there’s a hitch.

Members of the Planning Board, namely Ted North, have expressed dissatisfaction with how seriously their input has been taken, as well as with aspects of the solar bylaw itself, including a perceived lack of adequate permit requirements and a questionable paper trail leading to the bylaw’s inclusion on the Town Warrant. Meanwhile, the EMC, led by Chairman David Pierce and Dr. Jennifer Francis, are insisting that they followed all protocols in shepherding the bylaw and that a more arduous permit process would discourage participation in an important energy program that could save money and, ultimately, help save the planet.

Here’s where you come in.

On Tuesday, April 16, you have the chance to weigh in at the Planning Board’s public hearing. It starts at 5:00 pm at the Town Hall. In the meantime, you can find letters to the editor from both sides in this issue.

When The Wanderer covers the Tri-Town’s governmental meetings, our reporters love nothing more than to see crowds of residents and spirited discussion. In turn, we’re looking forward to Tuesday and hope to see you there. I promise I’ll give you my seat if it’s a full house.

By Shawn Badgley