If you read this column regularly you know that from time to time I rant on unelected bureaucrats at the state and federal level dictating what we can and cannot do in our own town. What I am about to tell you falls under “you ain’t seen nothing yet.”.

            Let me introduce you to Marty the Magician. For many years Marty Hahne has performed his magic at elementary schools and children’s birthday parties around the little town of Ozark, Missouri. He is a master at vanishing little bunny rabbits. But I am getting ahead of myself.

            Some years ago, Congress passed a law designed to protect animals like lions, tigers, and bears, from neglect and abuse which required “exhibitors” like circuses, zoos, and animal acts to have a license for each of their animals. Enter Marty the Magician who had a bunny rabbit named Casey.

            Discovering this regulation Marty duly applied and received a license for Casey. The license required Marty to submit to periodic, surprise inspections of his home. Also, if he performed away from Ozark, he had to submit a detailed itinerary to the U.S. Department of Agriculture. I’m guessing, but I’ll bet by the time the U.S.D.A approved the itinerary the little birthday kids were sixteen years old. But I digress.

            After hurricane Katrina the Feds “improved” the law by requiring a contingency plan for animals’ safety during a disaster. Marty duly complied submitting a 29-page plan to protect Casey from floods, tornados, heat, chemical leaks, etc. Casey also had to be caged when not performing. The inspector declared that Marty’s plan was “pretty short” saying, since Casey was licensed, the bunny was the “most important” concern during a disaster. However, the U.S.D.A inspector mentioned that if the rabbit were raised for food, it would not need a license. Upon hearing that, Marty asked “Are you’re telling me I can kill the rabbit to eat… but I can’t take it across the street to (entertain) a birthday party without a license?” Yup. You can’t make this stuff up.

            But wait there’s more.

            Have you heard of Heminway’s cats? Ernest Hemingway the writer had a cat named Snow White who had six toes. Six toed cats are claimed to bring good luck. Not to the Hemingway Museum, a National Historic Site, which his home became after he died (the writer, not the cat). Apparently, Snow White had many offspring, all with six toes. Over the years the museum has accumulated over 60 cats that are well cared for and roam freely around the property to the enjoyment of visitors who often return just to visit the cats. They also attracted U.S. Department of Agriculture officials.

            These agents were concerned about the cats’ “containment.” They ordered the museum to hire a night watchman to ensure the felines would not escape into the neighborhood at night. Or, as an alternative, they could increase the height of the surrounding wall. (Which would be against National Historic Site regulations.) And they would need a license to keep each cat confining them in cages (like Casey the bunny). The museum refused so the Feds returned with another “suggestion” …electrify the wall and provide raised “resting” platforms for the cats. The museum complied. Well, you know what happened. While no cat vanished, like Casey the magic bunny, one got burned and another escaped jumping over the wall from its raised platform.

            Despite reluctantly complying to that rule the museum had to apply four times for the licenses, each time being rejected on a technicality. In the meantime, fines of $200 a day for each cat accumulated. The Feds persisted, sending in undercover agents dressed as tourists and even renting a house next door to secretly photograph the cats.

            After five years, a lawsuit, and spending $200,000 the museum complied with modified regulations which recognized their unique historical situation. To this day Hemingway’s cats continue to roam the museum grounds. 

            Marty the Magician continues to amaze little kids. Casey the bunny is now enjoying a happy retirement.

            Mattapoisett resident Dick Morgado is an artist and happily retired writer. His newspaper columns appeared for many years in daily newspapers around Boston.

Thoughts on…

By Dick Morgado

One day many decades ago, a young executive found himself contemplating his future. He’d achieved so much in life already including securing a job with IBM and becoming a top sales earner – he was living the life others could only dream of. But in this moment of reflection, it all rang hollow. Charlie Bell found himself at a crossroads.

            As an avid long-distance runner, Bell aspired to become an Olympian. He took his running very seriously. As thoughts of ditching his career and the desire to officially become a marathon runner merged like converging rivers, Bell struck a plan. It wasn’t fully formed but it excited his imagination – running the perimeter of the United States. Run Charlie run.

            Bell knew he’d have to, number one: convince his parents, and number two: believe he would be safe. It was the nineteen-seventies, people were hitchhiking all over the globe. What could go wrong? Bell was young, strong, and fearless.

            Using his training in salesmanship, he eventually gained his parents’ agreement. Albeit there were caveats such as staying in touch, keeping them informed, and not taking chances. The biggest chance, of course, would be trusting others to do him no harm. Thus, Bell began planning the trip and pushing away any unsolicited anxiety. Dreams of marathons got him out the door.

            Another aspect of the journey was Bell’s plan to keep a daily diary. He hoped to chronical the thousands of people he would meet and the thousands of places he would see. He came to find that many days were uneventful, just a day running his prescribed twenty-five to thirty miles. Yet each day brought with it the kindness of strangers.

            Bell began his trip heading south, away from the advancing fall and winter months of the north. Then heading west, then north, and east towards home. Roughly ten-thousand miles. He planned for the run to take him fifteen months. It would take nineteen. In spite of sustaining a knee injury he ran all but the last four hundred miles which ultimately, he had to walk. At no time did he consider quitting.

            And what about those thousands of people he’d encounter along the way? They live on in the eight hundred pages Bell has written.

            Still unpublished but looking for an editor or possibly self-publication, Bell is now comfortably ensconced in Mattapoisett with his wife Kay Lindsay, an educator, and his daughter Amelia. Bell produces a podcast chronicling his adventure. The podcasts are aired on ORCTV to whom Bell is very appreciative, as well as other venues.

            But wait, what about the people? Bell said, “What I came to realize is that people are basically good.” Of course, that included his mother who sent him a pair of new running shoes from the supply he left in her care when he would contact her to do so.

            On September 29, Bell spoke for forty-five minutes to a rapt audience at the Mattapoisett Free Public Library. From coast to coast, he ran (this time from memory), sharing stories of the people he encountered along the way.

            There was the family from Louisiana who fed him Cajun food and, considering him a new family member, included him in celebrating the birth of a new grandchild by insisting he go to the hospital with them. There were the countless good folks who offered him overnight lodging which several times included a jail cot and churches willing to leave their doors open for Bell. The man who Bell would later realize was trying to hit on him, today he only feels compassion for his closeted life, “Imagine how lonely he must have felt.”

            Catching up with Bell we asked if he has stayed in touch with any of the people he met. “Yes, the family with the baby.” He said that through Facebook he has been able to stay in contact with some people, the “good people” he knew he would find.

            Visit ORCTV and watch Bell’s podcasts titled long/run stories of America or visit his website at longrun.us.

By Marilou Newell