Speeches and videos called attention to the themes of healthy and unhealthy relationships last week at Tabor Academy. Although awareness is beginning throughout the community, the issues associated with unhealthy relationships have been on Lauren Millette’s mind for a while.
Millette – a dormparent, teacher, and freshman class dean – began highlighting the issues associated with unhealthy relationships last year.
“It’s been on my mind for a really long time,” says Millette, but she thought about it even more after attending a gender project conference over the summer.
Millette believes that in a healthy relationship, “You should feel supported, as though you can be yourself, and there should be trust and mutual respect.” Most importantly, “A relationship should only enhance how you feel on your own, not complicate it…. The most important relationship you can have is with yourself.”
Last week, Malcolm Astley came to speak to the Tabor community about the issue. Astley, who lost his teenage daughter, Lauren, to breakup violence in 2011, has started a memorial fund that seeks to promote efforts to stop such violence. The speech was relevant in that their family is from Wayland, MA and some Tabor students experienced the tragic incident first hand or had heard about it a few years ago.
The speech was very emotional for students and faculty alike. Peer counselors, who are helping Millette promote awareness, were available throughout the day after the speech to listen to others who had strong emotional reactions of grief and sadness.
Dr. Mehegan, a school counselor, also gave a speech this month regarding what an unhealthy relationship is. Millette saw his speech as a perfect opportunity to start a project that she had been working on to start conversation before Astley’s speech.
Millette created a “Healthy Relationships” video that highlights some positive examples of relationships within the Tabor community. The pairs, which included a number of relationships featured siblings, friends, parents and children, husbands and wives, and many others. The video features the pairs together with whiteboards that state what each appreciates about the other.
Millette enjoyed the process of creating the video, saying, “There were so many positives.” She was happy that the community can “celebrate what we appreciate in each other,” and the project provided the perfect medium to do so.
Some of the pairs that volunteered for the videos found the process emotional as they reflected on what they appreciated in their partner.
The video was shown at the weekly all-school meeting a few days before Astley’s talk and received a positive reaction from the community.
Going forward, Millette plans to keep up the momentum of this awareness. Students have approached her with their own ideas, which are in the process of being implemented. Furthermore, students can sign a banner showing their support that reads, “Courage to Care, Courage to Stand Up,” which is a concept that Astley highlighted throughout his presentation.
Astley also believes that self-defense is an important skill for everyone to have, so Christopher McEnroe, an English teacher, will be teaching a class that is open to the community next month.
Students have taken it upon themselves to watch the documentary “48 Hours” about Lauren Dunne Astley, which has caused some to take action and plan more awareness events.
According to Millette, a future goal is the continuation of healthy discussions about relationships – whether they are friendships, teammates, romantic partners, or of any kind – in order to continue providing support to each other.
Millette’s video can be viewed on YouTube by searching for the title “Healthy Relationships SD 480p 3.”
By Julia O’Rourke
